8/16/2008 Main Event RP

Everwinter Fights

The scene opens to Dari Wheeler standing in a large room, an unfamiliar man standing by his side. He has slicked back dark hair and is wearing glasses, he looks pretty nervous – probably at the realisation that he's on TV. Wheeler is wearing a mischievous grin on his face as he looks into the camera – obviously he's got something planned.

Dari
Goooood afternoon DUW fans! This here is my friend Mike (Mike raises a hand and waves sheepishly into the camera) and... well, why don't you tell them what we're doing here today Mike.

Mike's voice is a little shaky at first, but as he speaks more, he gradually gets more confident with it.


Mike
Uh... yeah, well as Davis said my name's Mike. Basically what I do is... I DM. If you don't know what that is, it refers to the guy running games of Dungeons and Dragons.

The champion here cuts in with a cheeky smile and a mocking laugh.

Dari
Yeah that's right AKA: I went there. Thanks for the player's handbook by the way, it was pretty useful. Even though according to Mike it's out of date... so I appreciate the gesture, but if you're going to get me something you should really make sure it's recent...

The seriousness with which this is delivered is belied by the smile in Dari's eyes. Quite clearly this is all attended to have a rather tongue in cheek tone, and so far it's been managed comfortably.

Mike
As Davis said, the handbook was out of date – D&D recently moved on to fourth edition. But anyway, enough about that, we're here to play ... (his voice suddenly becomes deep and booming, with an echo effect) DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS!

Dari's jaw drops and he responds with astonishment.

Dari
Holy crap! How the hell did you do you do that?

Mike blinks, looking at Dari strangely.

Mike
Do what man? All I said was that we were going to play DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS!

The champion looks rather confused, as if he's about to say something, then decides to cut his losses and just keep quiet. A stylized text motif appears, reading 'Everwinter Fights', accompanied by a musical fanfare. The camera fades to black, then fades back in again. Mike and Dari are sitting at a table, with sheets of paper and rulebooks scattered all over the place.

Mike
Okay, so the first thing you have to do is make a character.

Dari
What are the guys that blow stuff up and throw fireballs and cast all the rest of those awesome spells.

Mike
Oh you mean a wizard? ... Do you mind having that name though? 'Wizard' doesn't seem like your kind of thing.

Dari
Dude I'd take a class called Dullard if it meant I could make things explode.

Mike
Well, okay. You're now a level one wizard – I'll roll your stats and you can draw your character in that box on the sheet.

The DM rolls dice for a little while and Dari scrabbles away at the box with a pencil, hunched over in deep concentration. Mike writes a few numbers into various spaces on the sheet, then straightens up.

Mike
Are you done?

His friend comes out of the crouch with a flourish.

Dari
Now presenting the powerful wizard: Darimus Waylen!

Mike rolls his eyes.

Mike
That's not how you do it Davis, you need some depth if you want to announce your character. (He takes a deep breath, and when he speaks, it is in the same booming tone as earlier) Now introducing the powerful wizard: DARIMUS WAYLEN!

Dari
Seriously, how the hell are you doing that? With a voice like that you could be a wrestling announcer!

Mike
Do what?

Dari
Urgh... never mind.

Mike
By the way... why does the wizard have a monocle?

Dari
Have you never watched Unforgotten realms? They clearly establish that in order to be a wizard it's a prerequisite to have a monocle. No monocle. No wizard.

Mike
... If you say so. Alright, let's start the adventure. You and your companion, Ma-

The scene shifts to an animated segment, the voices of Mike and Dari coming in as voice overs. Onscreen are two characters, one a robed figure with a monocle and a gigantic blond mohawk, and the other a heavily muscled brute covered in heavy armour and wielding a mace.

Dari (as Darimus)
Who the hell is this mook?

Mike
That's your companion: Maccus. I made him because I thought you'd need some extra muscle.

Darimus
Pfft, who needs muscle when you can fireball somebody in the face?

The animated Darimus is zoomed in on, and he grins, holding a fireball in one hand. A thought bubble comes out of his head, and in this, a short scene plays out with Maccus standing behind Darimus dejectedly as the wizard shoots fire at everybody in sight.

Mike
But what if you get stuck in combat? Wizard's are notoriously squishy Davis.

Darimus speculatively runs one hand through his hair.

Darimus
Well... he can tag along I guess, but he had better not get in the way!

Mike (as Maccus)
Greetings friend, I am Maccus, a cleric of th-

Dari (laughing)
What the heck are you doing man? You're talking like some archaic muppet.

Mike
It's called Roleplaying Dari-

Dari
Bah, doucheplaying more like it.

Mike
-And you get experience points for it.

Darimus
Thou art a stout fellow Maccus! Pray tell, whilst thou accompany me on my quest to (rustling of papers is heard as Dari locates the campaign description) free the town of ... erm, T- Tie? T... help me out here Mike.

Mike
Tygalios.

Darimus
Verily... T... that place, from the tyrannous clutches of the monster Graxius!

Mike
*sniggers* Ha... hehe hahaha. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You don't need to go that overboard with the voicing you know. And Darimus doesn't know about Graxius yet, so you'll have to find another reason.

Dari
Bite me.

Darimus
I could use a companion on my journeys. You never know when you're going to need a bit of patching up.

Maccus remains silent, then closes his eyes, kneels down, and starts to pray.

Dari
What the hell Mike? I ask him to help me and he decides to pray?

Mike
He's communing with his God: Deois, to see if he approves of of you.

Darimus
Uh... yeah, I'm a disciple of Deois too, and he says that it would be totally cool for you to tag along with me Maccus.

Mike
Hey! You can't use out of character knowledge in the game!

Dari
Relax Mike, his surcoat has the symbol of Deois on it. As a high-intelligence wizard, Darimus recognises the symbol and can use it to his advantage.

Mike
That's great... except (the surcoat is zoomed in on, it's bare of adornment), there's no symbol.

The view swings back to an unperturbed Darimus

Dari
Sir I believe you are mistaken! (there is a scritching sound)

Once again, the camera pans to Maccus, except this time, there is an odd decoration on his surcoat.

Mike
You can't just draw that in on the character Davis!

Dari
This guy is really religious right?

Mike
Obviously. He's a cleric isn't he?

Dari
Then it's just good roleplaying for him to bear the symbol of his god.

Mike
... Okay you've got me there, but we still have to roll to see if Maccus falls for your bluff.

The sound of dice rolling is heard.

Dari
Heh, I got a 13.

Mike
Well I rolled 14...

A red dice with a 13 on top and a blue dice with a 14 roll to a stop onscreen.

Dari
Balls!

Mike
But... Maccus has penalties for this kind of check.

Maccus stands up from where he was kneeling, a big smile on his face.

Dari
Intelligence was your dump stat eh? How can you be wise but really stupid?

Mike
Wisdom is more common sense than being clever.

Maccus
I will gladly join my fellow servant of Deois in his travels.

Once again, a rolling dice is heard.

Dari
Hey... what are you doing there Mike?

Mike
What? Oh, I'm rolling to see if there's been a random encounter.

Dari
Then stop rolling then!

Mike
Very funny. You guys have been standing there for quite a while, there's a chance something dangerous has wandered by in the meantime.

Dari
But I thought talking was a free action!?

Mike
Nothing is free. Especially talking. Cheap yes, but not free.

Dari
Well roll your dice then Mr. Dice rolling guy.

A dice rolls onto the screen, coming up a 17. When the DM rolls a seventeen on a D20 you know it can't be good.

Dari

Oh bollocks.

Mike
You're lucky I'm adjusting this encounter otherwise this adventure would be over before it even began...

Out of nowhere, three orcs and a goblin pop into existence on the screen.

Dari
You adjusted that!?

Mike
I'm a harsh DM, so sue me.

Darimus jumps forward, an aura swirling around his hands.

Darimus
Alright you bastards, prepare to suck on my great balls of fire!

A voice over cuts in, the action fading out.

V/A
Will Darimus and Maccus be able to overcome their fearsome opponents? Can this segment stop being oddball?

Dari
Dude, you're doing it again!

Mike
Tune in next time, for all of the answers to these questions on... Everwinter Fights!

As the credits of Everwinter Fights roll Dari can be heard faintly talking in the background.

Dari
Seriously man, with that kind of voice, I'd be surprised if Drake Daniels didn't hire you tomorrow!

Mike
... God you're weird...

Talk the Talk

The scene opens to a television studio, the set of a talk show. There are two couches facing one another in the middle of a luxurious room, complete with a fur carpet and pieces of artwork adorning the walls. Seated on one of the couches, lazily stretched out is the famous host; Matt 'The Chat' Clarkson. He seems, truth be told, almost out of place in the extravagant surroundings, wearing a faded denim jacket with the sleeves ripped off, a pair of jeans which look like they've been through hell and back, and a t-shirt which may have, at one point, been white but now harbours so many stains that it looked like the casualty of a ferocious food fight. There's also somebody sitting on the couch opposite him; the Universal (and tag team) champion Dari Wheeler. He looks fairly relaxed, although to most – a little odd. It's not often you see him out of his in-ring wear, even if he's only dressed casually.

Matt 'The Chat' Clarkson
Hey everybody! Welcome to another episode of 'Talk the Talk'. I'm your host: Matt 'The Chat' Clarkson. My guest today is professional wrestler Davis – better known as Dari, Wheeler. Now I'm sure all of you wrestling buffs out there are aware that Davis is signed to a company called DUW – Dangerous Under-Rated Wrestling, where he is one half of the tag team champions, and is the longest reigning Universal champion.

There is applause from the studio audience, and a couple of people start chanting 'DUW' – more as a joke than anything else. Dari smiles modestly before going on to play down Clarkson's praise.

Dari Wheeler
Well that's true but I wouldn't get too hung up over that. I've only defended the title once and that was a draw. Honestly though, who counts a guy out in a title match anyway? If they'd let it go on I wouldn't have that controversy marking my reign.

Clarkson slowly nods, sitting up a little straighter but still generally looking like he's just been thrown onto the couch and he's sprawled where he landed. Then again, part of Clarkson's appeal is that he is so informal. It's not mocking or condescending, just talking.

Matt 'The Chat' Clarkson
Well we're going to discuss wrestling a little more later in the show, but first, I wanted to talk to you Davis about your comings and goings outside of the ring. I hear you've been getting involved in a lot of charities recently. Relief work, that kind of thing? It's in conjunction with DUW of course, but obviously it involves taking time out of your schedule to travel and hey, just plain putting in the effort.

The champion cracks a wide smile at the acknowledgment of his activities outside of just wrestling. Although he doesn't participate for acclaim, it's always nice to get noticed. The feel-good factor is the one major boon of doing charity work – the feeling that you're helping to make a difference.

Dari Wheeler
Well I don't see it as a chore, it's more of a hobby... in that I do it because I like helping other people. A lot of the people I see are kids, and I'm telling you now, there's nothing better than the feeling you get when they're happy to see you. A large chunk of the wrestling fanbase are younger kids, and funnily enough, the more extreme it is, the more it appeals to just about anybody I believe. For some of these children seeing you is like meeting superman, and being a hero... that's just fantastic.

Though some people might roll their eyes at that, Dari's words are clearly heartfelt. It's good to see that kind of passion in somebody so young. Either that, or he's just a really good actor milking this for all the positive publicity he can possibly get. There's always that.

Matt 'The Chat' Clarkson
Well that's just great to hear man. All right, Davis and I have been talking about his work in charities for a while, and I'm sure you're all eager to see a bit of it, so after this commercial break, we'll be playing a video taken of one of his sejourns.

The view cuts from the studio to a commercial for mobile phones, showing this guy walking through walls and things like that. ... What, you expected that to be relevant? It's a mobile phone commercial, since when have they ever been on topic? Oh... you mean why isn't it relevant to the promo? Pssh, there are tons of adverts on this channel, what are the odds of one coming on which is about wrestling? Exactly. Moron.

After the commercials, the screen fades in to a video clip with soft, upbeat music – you know, the kind that always accompanies these sorts of tapes. The initial view is of Dari standing outside of a large building, facing into the camera, dressed in his normal wrestling wear, a sports bag held easily in one hand.

Dari Wheeler
I'm here today to... corny as this sounds; make a dream come true. DUW have been working in tandem with a couple of charities, and with them, organised a donation to this (he points behind him) orphanage, which was previously struggling a little with their funding. But that isn't the reason why I'm here, at least not directly. The owner of this orphanage was eager to tell us that they only have a single television, so they have to simply watch what comes on all together. This resulted in almost every kid here being a wrestling fan. Not only that, a DUW fan. So when we heard that, we decided to send a representative here, and I'm honoured to say that this was me.

Wheeler looks over his shoulder at the large doors to the orphanage, then back into the camera with a grin, before heading inside.

Dari Wheeler
Well, time to meet those kids I guess.

The champion walks into a large room and there is a huge explosion of noise as a large group of children come into view, simultaneously catching sight of Dari and charging towards him. The camera catches a glimpse of Dari's comical expression as the kids swamp him. The video then starts breaking up into clips, with the champion talking with various young children.

Dari Wheeler
So who's your favourite wrestler in DUW?

The long-haired teenage, wearing a t-shirt with a popular band on the front, thinks only for moments before answering.

Teen
I like James Sync – because he's a rockstar and I'm a big fan of music and all that.

A few other kids laugh as that causes Dari to pull a bizarre and truly hilarious face, reacting to his last challenger being named.

Dari Wheeler
You serious? (the teen nods) I don't think I can talk to you any more man. (his face falls) Aw I'm just kidding man c'mere! (Dari ruffles his hair) Sync isn't a bad guy, I just hope you won't be too upset when he loses next show.

The next clip shown is Dari with a really young kid. Wheeler pulls out his sports bag, reaches into it, and to the surprise of everybody brings out the Universal championship! The child reaches for it, but Dari puts it behind his back.

Dari Wheeler
What, you want this? (the kid nods) Well you can't just have it – you have to win it! Get me a referee! We've got ourselves a match!

Wheeler gets a ref's shirt out and puts it over the head of one of the other kids. A comical mock-match ensues, finally ending when Dari leaps high in the air, as if going for the Wheelout, and sailing clean over the kid's head! Wheeler looks around as if doesn't know where the kid is, and he proceeds to get low-blowed from behind. Wheeler folds up like a deck chair, overselling the move like crazy.

Dari Wheeler
You didn't see that referee!? If I hadn't done that before in the ring I would be highly indignant about this miscarriage of justice!

The young kid climbs onto a low couch then jumps off with a splash of sorts onto Wheeler. The kid counts three and Dari gives the kid his title to hold for a while as everybody laughs about the 'match'. Another clip of Dari sitting with a kid rolls, this one a teenaged girl.

Dari Wheeler
So which DUW wrestler do you like the best?

Once again, there's only the barest of hesitatione before the girl delivers her answer to the energetic superstar.

Teenage Girl
I like Alexis Luciano because she fights against guys and still wins.

The champion nods a couple of times - obviously concuring, or at least understanding her reasoning.

Dari Wheeler
Oh I totally agree with you: Alexis is a great competitor. Not as good as me of course, but who is? (he winks to show that he's just kidding around)

The video continues with a segment of just Dari sitting on the couch on his own, talking into the camera.

Dari Wheeler
You know, what's great about all of this is that they're so upbeat. You're looking at kids that have either lost everything or just been given up, but the guys have got so much spirit you wouldn't believe it. This is just a little chance to give something back: they've had it all taken away, and I'm getting an opportunity to restore some of what they lost. A t-shirt or getting to hold a belt doesn't bring back a parent, but it gives them more pleasant memories to look back on and hold within them. It's an awesome ... rush almost, to get the thought that 'I am making a difference. This is affecting people's lives for the better' and that's just fantastic.

Another cut of the camera returns to Dari sitting with a kid again.

Dari Wheeler
So out of all the wrestlers in DUW, who do you like the best?

This kid takes a little longer to consider his response, but sounds fairly sure of himself when he does finally speak up - as if he's entirely certain of who his fav is now that he's though about it a little.

Kid
I love D-ToX! He's freaky but funny!

Wheeler grins, nodding in agreement whilst raising both eyebrows and pulling a somewhat wry face as he discusses ToX, the man who makes up the other half of one of his title reigns.

Dari Wheeler
My tag team partner? Yeah try having to share a locker room with him. Then you'll see 'freaky' believe me. Same ring, it gets even worse.

There's another cut, and this time Dari is arm wrestling with a young child, putting on a great show of sweating and straining against the kid's grip (although it's clearly put on)

Dari Wheeler
Are you magnetized to that table or something!? (his arm is forced to the table) Dammit!

He holds up his arms and flexes his (sizeable) biceps, before sighing ruefully.

Dari Wheeler
I need to hit the gym more...

A final clip is Wheeler once again seated with a kid on his lap, looking to ask the same question he's already asked three times already in the video.

Dari Wheeler
Do you have a favourite DUW wrestler? A lot of other kids seem to have one they prefer.

The kid grins at Dari and gives him the answer that he's been waiting for the entire afternoon.

Older Kid
Yeah, my favourite all-time DUW wrestler is you!

Wheeler launches himself up, lifting the kid in the air and swinging him around before putting him down on the couch, punching the air with both hands.

Dari Wheeler
Yes! Sanity! I knew not everybody here was bonkers!

The music is slowly winding to an end, and the last shot is of all the kids there, Dari on his knees at the front with his arms around two kids, one holding the Universal title and the other his tag team belt. With that image, the view fades out to another commercial.

This one has a car in it and they crash and stuff and it might have been talking about drugs or something like that but I don't know because I had to go get a beer and then pick up my friend in the car. Also I was kinda drunk. Ironic you say? No BEER you muppet. Damn. The camera fades back into the studio, where there is a good deal of applause after seeing the video.

Matt 'The Chat' Clarkson
Excellent work Davis I must say – those kids must have had the time of their lives meeting you.

Wheeler smiles and shakes his head modestly, playing down the compliment a little bit. Even if was initially a bit of an asshole in DUW, it seems as if Dari's become a much nicer guy since. Or just much better at hiding it.

Matt 'The Chat' Clarkson
Anyway, I wanted to pick your brains about something. Now if you guys didn't know, DUW was recently upgraded to a World Class federation in the inter-fed 'The Experts' – that means Davis' work is moving up in the world, starting to tour in new locations rather than remaining in Manhattan every week. How does it feel to be moved up to a more grand stage, and more importantly, what do you think caused this?

Clarkson has barely moved from his slouch, but as he speaks, a large screen behind the two men whirs into life, showing the DUW logo next to a spinning globe of the earth, emphasising his words.

Dari Wheeler
It's an awesome feeling Matt – it means that I really have made it. It's all very well strutting your stuff at a regional level, but when you make it into the big leagues, you know that you're really doing well for yourself. As for what caused all of this? Well, considering we've got a new co-owner, I think evidence points in that direction don't you? I also think that I've accomplished an objective. A few weeks ago I said I would help DUW make it big, lo and behold here we are!

Wheeler spreads his arms wide at this, and once again the projector responds, this time bringing up a image of Dari wearing a 'Mr. DUW' shirt, the gimmick associated with moving DUW up in the world.

Matt 'The Chat' Clarkson
That's great. One last question Davis: have you got anything to say about your high profile, five man tornado tag team tables match? Haha, that's a bit of a mouthful to be honest.

There's an appreciative laugh. Some definitely think that co-owner Dave Jonhson went a little too far when he made the match, racking up stipulations like nobody's business. At least it wasn't in a steel cage or something.

Dari Wheeler
(winks) Nothing that you won't be able to hear at today's house show. Make sure to tune in to that guys!

Clarkson finally gets up from his sprawl to shake Dari's hand in the conclusion to the show (and Dari's interview).

Matt 'The Chat' Clarkson
Alright, that concludes our interview. Thanks for coming Davis!

The champion winks friendily before replying. Clarkson smiles back at him - obviously first impressions of one another have been favourable. Who knows? Dari may make further appearances on his talk show in the future.

Dari Wheeler
My pleasure Matt. Any time.

There are cheers and applause from the crowd. The theme tune of 'Talk the Talk' plays as Dari stands up and walks from the studio, the screen slowly fading to black.

For those of you who are about to rant...

At a DUW house show, the day preceding Saturday Night Danger, the fans (many of whom expected this anyway) discover they are to be treated to one of Dari Wheeler's huge rants as 'Comatose' starts playing after one of the matches finishes. A majority of the fans start cheering – Dari has gradually been winning more and more support from the crowds recently, a by-product of his turn for the better. He still trash talks with the best of them, but now he's also concerned a little more with being a nice guy.

Chris Murphy
Hoo boy, here comes the Universal champion Mills!

Daniel Mills
And given the circumstances, I think he's going to have a lot to say!

The introduction to the song finishes and Dari Wheeler comes out as the singing kicks in, one arm raised in the air, holding his tag team title, a pair of pyros shooting off on his right and left sides. As usual, the Universal title is wrapped snugly around his waist – he always did like flaunting his accomplishments. It's surprising that Dari doesn't bring the BLLV title to the ring too, considering that he never lost it.

Chris Murphy
There he is in all his flamboyant glory. This man is a showman, through and through.

Daniel Mills
Without a doubt, Dari Wheeler is all about spectacle. Not that he can't get it done in the ring, you'd better believe that.

Wheeler flips his title onto one shoulder and heads off the stage, down the entrance ramp. He pauses on either side of it to dish out a few choice high fives to the audience members, a grin on his face all the while. Either he really enjoys catering to the fans or can put on a great façade of seeming that way. Whichever is true, it nevertheless makes for a good positive display of face behaviour. About halfway down he speeds up, running to the ring to slide underneath the bottom rope, unfastening the Universal title so that he can lift both it and the tag title, once again showing off his impressive repertoire of gold, before quickly replacing it.

[b]Chris Murphy
Well it seems as though Dari has taken a turn for the better attitude wise recently.

Daniel Mills
Emphasis on 'Seems' Murphy. This guy is crafty, you don't really know whether this is for real or just a huge charade.

The champion gestures to ringside and a microphone is thrown to him, which Dari manages to fumble, dropping it, before he sheepishly picks it up again to bring it to his mouth and start speaking, addressing the fans live in the arena and watching it at home. (although considering it's a house show that's a bit unlikely). Still, plenty of people will be viewing it on the internet before too long, that's a given.

Dari Wheeler
I don't know about all of you, but it seems to me like I'm still Universal champion. Granted I didn't beat Sync, but a double count out is good enough for me. I retain the strap and my undefeated streak and I get the satisfaction of knowing that I proved Sync wrong: great competitor or not, he can't take this title off me. He can feel free to have another pop... after he earns a second shot of course, and I'll just prove it to him again.

He always speaks boldly, and tonight is no exception. But then, if you don't sound sure of yourself you can't really claim to be good at trash-talking, and that is one thing that Dari most certainly can do. One can only think (or dread?) how far Dari will go once he really gets into gear, especially with as much material to work with as he has today.

Dari Wheeler
I suppose, after a fashion that Sync is getting another chance at me though. I mean, he's in this match too no? Well... unfortunately Sync I'm afraid I can't waste too much of my attention on you, I've got four other opponents to dish out a beating to as well as you, so I'll have to make sure that it's an even spread. You know what I'm saying? Can't have the rest of your team getting jealous that I'm giving you too much attention during the match now can we? You're DUW's resident rockstar Sync, by all accounts, so come Danger, you know what? Prepare to be rocked to your very core, because Dari Wheeler is on fire today, and if you get in my way, don't be surprised if you get knocked aside.

Chris Murphy
Obviously that match hasn't made Dari hold Sync in any higher esteem than he did before.

Daniel Mills
Tell me about it – he's barely showing an ounce of respect towards DUW's rockstar.

Strong words send a strong message to Dari's opponent the previous week, but he's far from done yet it seems, after all, he's got four other opponents and the same in partners to discuss before he's even approaching running dry of things to say. Wheeler moves to another side of the ring and begins speaking again setting off on a different tack from before.

[b]Dari Wheeler
Anyway, first I'm going to talk about... not my opponents, we'll leave the juicy parts until later, but my tag team partners – the four men who will be stepping into the ring alongside me for this match. Now, if you think back a few weeks, to when I was put into a team alongside D-ToX, a man who I have never wrestled with or against, with a chance to win the DUW tag team titles. We were dysfunctional, we struggled to work together, but our common will to win gave us solid foundations to move on to pick up the win against probably the finest tag team DUW has. Can you imagine what it must feel like to work with a guy that you've never fought against, fought alongside, hell, barely watched in action? It's unsettling, you both lack the intuitive feel which comes with experience in tag team wrestling, you go for moves and the other guy doesn't follow your reasoning. You get frustrated, make mistakes – it's a big disadvantage. Now... imagine that feeling multiplied by five and you've got what this match is going to be like for the mix and match team I'm on. My second match teaming with D-ToX – one isn't enough to get experience. Carmine and Mike might have wrestled with one another before, but that's hardly enough to offset the rest of it. Three of the guys in this match barely know one another and the other two have hardly got it any better with the rest of us. I ask you: how the hell are we supposed to make this work and pull off the win?

Chris Murphy
He has a very good point there, you have to say.

Daniel Mills
Yeah, but why disparage your own team? Seems to me that he's just highlighted their single biggest disadvantage and handed it to their opponents on a plate.

Chris Murphy
It's going to affect them anyway and the AKA, plus Sync, are going to be fully aware of the flaw going into the match besides, I don't think Dari gave away too many closely kept secrets there. He knows they're huge underdogs, and so does anybody else with any sense.

Dari Wheeler
A pair of my allies are the aforementioned Mike Copani and Carmine Moltisanti, as I said, the only semblance of unification our team has. These guys... forgive me for saying, don't strike me as the most reliable of allies. I mean for a start they're Italian gangsters – that should start alarm bells ringing immediately. I'm surprised people haven't dropped dead after beating either one of these two to be honest with you. Maybe Big Daddy V is so fat he's bullet proof... Besides that though, neither of them have a sterling record in DUW. The point is, they're inconsistent, and you can't rely on somebody if you're never sure how much they're going to put it. I liken it to sitting on a rotten chair – you don't know if it's going to give or it's going to hold. Like it or not, at some point, I'm going to need one of the other of these guys to watch my back, and when that time comes, I have no idea whether I'm going to be able to sit down safe or be dumped on my ass. Don't get me wrong, I respect their abilities, but I don't know if their talents are going to be enough to give us the win tomorrow night. It might be that they put in a world class performance, it might be that they let me and the rest of our team down. I've just got this to say to you guys: you let me down, you're going to regret it.

The threat isn't even remotely veiled, but Dari doesn't seem particularly concerned about that. It should be expected that he can rely on his team-mates after all. However, given that they've all been thrown together in a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, they'll just have to make do with what they have and hope that their mutual drive to seize victory is enough to propel them to the win. He did it with D-ToX a few weeks ago, but you can't help but think that doing it with five people is an entirely different kettle of fish – and you'd be quite right in assuming so.

Chris Murphy
Man, I can see that match getting ugly in a hurry.

Daniel Mills
Yeah, if that fractious team starts to squabble amongst themselves, I think we'd be looking at a full-scale war - nothing short of absolute chaos, in fact.

Dari Wheeler
Then we have Camel Clutch – Tony Ryan, a fellow Englishman, though that's about all I have in common with him too. See ... thing is, I've got the same deal with Clutch and Mike and Carmine: can I rely on him to back me up? I've got no idea. Maybe he'll hold steady, maybe he'll flake out. He's shown himself capable of defeating the AKA with a man he hardly knew yet lose to the selfsame man the very next week. Does he have what it takes to push his way to victory? Perhaps I can say 'Hey, he did it before, he might be able to do it again' and that makes him a little better of a prospect than the other guys, but not by much. Clutch, what I'm going to say to you now is exactly what I told the others: Don't be the guy that leads us to a loss, because I'm pretty damn proud of my undefeated streak, and I'll do whatever it takes to prevent it from ending here.

Chris Murphy
Dari busy laying down the law to his tag team partners here.

Daniel Mills
You're right Murphy, and it looks like the law as of right now is 'Don't let the team down or there will be trouble!'

Chris Murphy
That man is Universal champion for a reason, I think he's entitled to throwing his weight around a bit.

Daniel Mills
You can't help but think that his partners won't take too kindly to these 'warnings' of his though can you? Would you like it if a guy who was on your side started trying to intimidate you too?

Dari Wheeler
Next and last in line – at least of partners that is, is the man we all know and erm... 'love'. My very own tag team partner and the other half of the DUW tag team champions. Ironically, for all our faults as a team, this is probably the one guy I know I can rely on to back me up. We did it before in a match with stakes just as high as this one. Will we be able to do it again, now that we have another three guys to deal with on both sides? You know what? I don't think so. Two guys on the same page just can't overcome four people on the same word. The AKA are the de facto best faction in DUW. Except for, y'know, us, because we have the tag titles, but annnnywaaaay. Those guys have had a lot of experience teaming together – we've next to none. I pose the question once again: how the hell are we supposed to overcome that kind of deficit? I'm not sure we can.

After a considerably downer in tone, Dari seems to brighten up a little, and the crowd's noise builds in anticipation as they realise that Wheeler is getting into the meat of his talk. He's finished talking about his own partners: time to start slinging mud. He's already got Sync out of the way with, but that leaves the entire AKA, two members of which Dari already has DUW history with... After all, he and D-ToX edged out Slade and Shadow for the tag team titles. The latter would be wanting to avenge their previous loss and perhaps re-establish their status as contenders for the straps, wheras the former would be looking to put the AKA firmly into their places and cement their reputation for being the biggest dog on the block in terms of the tag team division.

Dari Wheeler
And that leaves... the AKA, doesn't it? Oh boy... I can tell you've all been waiting for this... first up is the femme fatale of the group, our very own alcoholic: Dita Morgan. I'm not sure, I guess I need to brush up on my American law, but aren't sports people supposed to... I don't know, get in trouble for that kind of thing? Sure she did a bit of community service and went to rehab for a while, but it kinda stings to see somebody get off from that sort of thing so lightly. You realise you could have killed somebody Dita? You're lucky you don't have blood on your hands, and why? Because you couldn't put down the lager and stick to water for a while. Nice and responsible of you that, eh? Rolemodel to kids and everything, and what do you do? Get pissed and crash a car. Man, you deserve a round of applause for that. (Dari mockingly claps).

Chris Murphy
Ouch... I'm not sure whether the bodies or the ears of Dari's opponents are more at risk!

Daniel Mills
He's got a vicious tongue on him that's for sure – without a doubt he's one of our premium trash-talkers.

Dari Wheeler
So... in her address to the fans Dita actually had a little bit to say about me, as well as the other guys on my team. As far as I recall, she accused me of not having grit and heart. ... What I have to say to that is simple: Quite obviously you haven't watched many of my matches in DUW. Yes I grew up in London, it was tough, and I reflect that. Not only did I grow up there, but I backyarded for several years. It doesn't get any more gritty than being put through a table wrapped in barbed wire, or having a light tube smashed into your face. You'll ever need more heart than what it takes to get up after somebody snapped a ladder in half by powerbombing you onto it. You want to see heart Dita? You had better be prepared for enough spirit to make an army inebriated. You think I'm going to underestimate you because you're a girl? I've seen enough of Alexis Luciano to disincline me to ever do that again. You might be used to people taking it easy on you, but rest assured I have no intentions of letting you past me on anything less than the hard way.

Chris Murphy
Torn to shreds...

Daniel Mills
And folks, it will only get more vocal from here!

Dari Wheeler
Next there's Assassin... I have to give props to you man. You beat D-ToX, my partner. That really takes some doing, as I'm sure one James Blaze could tell you. But there's D-ToX, a great competitor in his own right – and I'm pretty certain you know that both from personal experience and the accounts of your comrades, and then, there's me... People keep on saying that I don't deserve to be champion. I tell these people to espy my 10 match undefeated streak and to kindly shut the fuck up. Do any of you people actually get that? I have never lost. Nobody has ever beaten me. A lot of people have tried and failed to put me on my back for the three count, climb up a ladder faster than me, throw me over the top rope, or put me through a table – three of you guys amongst them! Best thing since sliced bread Assassin? I ain't the best thing since sliced bread, I'm the best thing since god-damn Genesis! You guys can try to take this title from me – you can try and end my undefeated streak and I'll put you straight one after another, after another. I have never lost a match, and I'm not planning on starting tomorrow night. Stake your life on that.

Dari is now pacing the ring, rattling off insults and jibes like there's no tomorrow and showing no signs of stopping or even that he might be getting worn out with all of the trash talk. Once he gets rolling, there's no forcing Dari from the mic and centre stage until he finally runs out of ammunition. Considering how much he has talked already, nobody can see that coming any time soon – he still has the biggest part of his rant to get into after all. Still, this is remarkable, even for Dari. A new personal best of trash-talk for the Universal champion perhaps? If he keeps on motoring the way he is there will be no doubt of that. Then again, it's one thing being able to rant for a long time, it's quite another to win a match. Sometimes Dari needs to be reminded of that.

Dari Wheeler
Finally there's the two members of the AKA that I'm already acquainted with. (He holds up his tag team title and grins). I guess you two will have to wait a little longer to fill up that belt case with yours, though I'll warn you to give up on securing the DUW titles right now. Go for another pair of belts, it'll save you the hassle and the disappointment of being beaten time and time again. Yeah that's right guys... I got it, and you don't! Sure you can throw a mean party, what the hell do you want for it? A medal, okay I've got one for you, how about a flattering circular piece which reads 'I SPEND MORE TIME PARTYING THAN TRAINING' and on the reverse it can say 'WHY AM I ALWAYS LOSING?' You like the sound of that? No? Then piss off! See, here's the deal guys, you can party as much as you want, crack your little jokes and generally make fools of yourselves, but when it comes down to where it matters – in the ring, you're going to fall down. I'm younger than either of you and more mature to boot. You're the guys supposed to be sagely advising me to calm down and take things a little more seriously, not the other way around. Slade, Shadow, you've got experience going for you and that's about it. I'm pledging here and now: I've beaten you two before and I can do it a-fucking-gain, tomorrow night, and every other time you care to step up to the plate.

Chris Murphy
What a rant. Glad that's done with...

Daniel Mills
I... don't think he's finished yet Murphy.

Dari Wheeler
I watched your segment the other day guys and I laughed at it. You know why? Because it was absurd. You gave out gifts to the members of our team... cute. I guess you already know that the player's handbook came in handy, and I landed a sweet segment because of it, so I suppose that kinda backfired, did it not? Oh, as an aside, in the defence of Camel Clutch... English is our language you pair of yank tossers, we can pronounce the words however we fucking please. If anything you're the ones that need a lesson or two in linguistics. If you're going to steal a language at least get it right... sheesh. By the way, I never needed to learn spells, I always have been a magician in the ring. Oh zing! (he snaps his fingers and flames shoot out, Dari looks startled). What the fuck!? ... Well anyway, I appreciate your other gift, although I'll have to turn it down. It's great to see guys willing to give up their own prized possessions for the use of others. I'm touched by the gesture, really, but I'm sure you can still get a lot of use from it. It also explains why Dita is so outspoken... don't you think that's kinda kinky you guys?

Chris Murphy
Burn...

Daniel Mills
He's a wordsmith Murphy. What I want to know is where the hell that damn fireball came from!

Dari Wheeler
I'm putting you five on notice for tomorrow night. Sure, our team might not have the greatest credentials, but they've got one man who is the brightest star in wrestling today. I'll take all five at you at once or one at a time, but it won't be any of you who are standing triumphant with your enemies lying defeated in the wreckage. I'm Dari Wheeler, and don't have the best backup, I don't have the size and not the technicality either, but there's one thing I possess that you don't... And that's a burning passion, a drive to succeed which far surpasses any obstacles thrown in my path. Stand in my way, go on, I dare you – you'll just get a chance to sample my desire for victory first hand. I'm the only man on my team who has decided to speak his mind so far, so I suppose I'll have to speak for all of us: Bring your friends, your weapons, the best efforts you have to offer, but be forewarned that it won't be enough. Do you know why? Because I AM THE BEST THIS BUSINESS HAS TO OFFER! I'M NUMBER ONE, AND THE DAY THERE'S A MAN GOOD ENOUGH TO UNSEAT ME FROM MY THRONE IS THE DAY I DIE BECAUSE I! AM! UNSTOPPABLE!

'Comatose' blasts through the speakers at ear-rupturing volume as Dari hurls the microphone away and jumps up onto the turnbuckle after screaming the last part of his rant at maximum volume – for everybody in the entire state to hear it seems. Dari beats his chest with his free fist and the crowd go crazy with cheers at Dari going wild. He's definitely exhibiting his earlier mentioned passion here. The question is, will it be enough to, along with the efforts of the rest of his team, bring him victory tomorrow night?

Chris Murphy
It looks like an animal has been unleashed tonight!

Daniel Mills
Heaven help anybody who has to step into the ring with this man... tomorrow's match is no-DQ, and Dari is probably the most hardcore guy on the roster!

Chris Murphy
Whoever wins tomorrow isn't going to come out of the other side of the match smiling, that's for sure.

Daniel Mills
Make sure you tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion to this: A five man tornado tag team TABLES match!